Brothers

Almost New Baby Day Today

So, I woke up this morning at 7:30am and thought to myself. Huh, I could have been going to the hospital right now for my scheduled c-section.
Then I woke up at 8 something and thought. Hmm... I wonder what I would have been doing now. Filling out paperwork, getting into a hospital gown. Would I be tired? Excited? Scared?
Then I woke up at 9:30 and said wow, this is when my c-section was supposed to start. So they would have just been making the first slice. :)
And then when I woke up at 10 (yes, I got to sleep in today. G-d bless mothers-in-laws!!) I thought to myself, well, they probably would have just been delivering my baby. I guess I will get up.
:)

Those are some crazy thoughts!!!!!!!! But today was when my c-section was scheduled for. Until the baby flipped (yay!!). Although even after they saw that the baby flipped, they asked if I still wanted to cancel it. Well, I thought about it for a second but opted against it. The conveniance of it all just wasn't worth the pain and risk of a c-section.

So, now we are just waiting....and waiting....and waiting......
Wish us luck! We'll keep you posted!

Woo hoo!!!!

The baby turned!!!! And now it's head down and hopefully not going anywhere (yet).
So, I guess all those rough nights with baby moving all over the place were worth it. Whew.
So my scheduled c-section is canceled and now we just wait around for labor to start.
It may still end up being a c-section but at least it's in a better position.
Keep ya posted.....................

Questions

I've started a list of questions. They are things I want to ask G-d after 120. Most of them are pretty big ones. But I added a new one on Tuesday. Not as big. But something I am really wondering about.

As most people reading my blog know, I am expecting and the due date is about 3 weeks away. With my first child, I ended up having a C-section after 32 hours of labor and I had a very difficult recovery. I'm sure it was not helped by the gallstones and gallbladder removal 3 months post c-section but whatever the case may be, it was rough. While pregnant with my first, I read a LOT of books and had hopes of delivering with no pain meds and even started off the first 12 hours in the Birthing Center at Providence Hospital. A VERY comfortable place that I recommend everyone start at even if they end up moving to labor and delivery. :)
Anyway in the books I read I pretty much breezed past the c-section parts thinking no way, not me. But I do remember reading that a lot of women feel cheated after a c-section. They are upset, they feel like they failed, etc. I did not feel that way after my delivery. I wasn't happy about it but it was just the way things were.
Until I got pregnant with #2. Then I started wondering...... can I handle a regular delivery? Would I be able to do it? Would I really be able to push a CHILD out of my body??? I don't know. Drugs or no drugs, that's a pretty scary thing. Maybe I can't do it. Maybe my body doesn't work that way.
As little girls, we grow up learning that we are supposed to get married, get pregnant, and have a baby. Babies come out of certain parts of our body and scary as it is, if you push a baby out of your body - you can do anything!!!!!! It's an impressive task and I am always amazed hearing people talk about their birthing experience. I am always really awed by it.
And I question whether or not I can do it. I want to do it. I want to have that experience. Even if it's just once. So pregnant, with Baby #2 - that was my plan. 3 of the 4 doctors in my practice were very supportive of it. There are risks involved with VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Delivery) but they are small and the docs felt there was no reason not to try for it as long as I am aware that it may not work out and I may have to have another section. Ok, fair enough. So over the past 2 months, I have started my reading again. Learning about the different stages of labor, coping with the pain of contractions, various pushing positions. I was getting ready for the big marathon. As friends have described it, the hardest physical thing you will EVER do in your life. So I was preparing. And I was actually getting excited. Scared, but excited. I spoke with friends about their birthing experiences, trying to understand how it works, how it feels. And weird as it sounds, I was looking forward to going into labor. To reaching the pushing stage. To that amazing moment when a child actually comes out of me??!?!??! WOAH.

Then my plans came screeching to a halt. I went to the doc on Tuesday and it turns out, the baby is sideways. Not only sideways but spine down. Normally the doctors would manually turn the baby. However, since I had a C-section the first time, this doctor doesn't want to try and turn it because she is afraid of my scar rupturing. That could end up in a very bad outcome for the baby and possibly for me. So that means they will do a scheduled C-Section. Sorry, no chance for VBAC.
Not only that but if the baby stays in this position with the spine down, they will have to do a vertical incision to get it out because they can't deliver a back. My first section was a horizontal incision so one consolation I had in regards to a second c-section was that they will be cutting over scar tissue and dead nerves so it won't be quite as bad a recovery as the first time. Woo hoo.... But if they do a vertical incision, it means a whole new pain, a whole new recovery AND no chance for VBAC with any future children. The chance of rupture with a vertical incision is much higher than a horizontal one.

And I will never know. I will never know whether or not I could have birthed a baby the way women are "supposed" to. I will never know if I have that in me. I will never be able to say, I can do anything - I pushed a child out of my body!!!
So it's on my list of questions.
Why me?
Why not someone else who wants a c-section?
Could I have done it??
Why didn't I get the chance to find out??

There are more thoughts about this upcoming experience but I have to go to work so they will be saved for another time.

Stay tuned..................

Our Purim Theme

The job of being parents
is never quite done,
We started off quiet
with our number one son.

We decided this year
on a new little addition,
Ignoring the expenses
of diapers and tuition!

Please enjoy some "tools"
to celebrate our renovation,
We're so happy to share
our news and jubilation.

We promise we'll share pictures
when the "labor" is all done.
Purim Sameyach from
Shauli, Natalie, Jonah Z.,
and soon-to-be plus one!

And these were our Mishloach Manot.......

Thanks so much to my mom for help with the general theme idea and to Sho for the poem!!!!

Breast Cancer Hospitalization Bill

There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the
"drive-through mastectomy" where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.

Lifetime Television has put this bill on their web page with a petition drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed on.

PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the web site below. You need not give more than your name and zip code number.

http://www.lifetimetv.com/health/breast_mastectomy_pledge.html

This takes about 2 seconds. PLEASE PASS THIS ON to your friends and family too!

Bad Day

I haven't mentioned this to a lot of people. Maybe I haven't mentioned it to anyone. What tomorrow is.

My dad died 10 years ago tomorrow.

It snuck up on me this year. I felt like I should recount the years. Has it really been 10? February 23rd, 1997.
Seems like ages ago.

I don't have anything planned. And it's not his Hebrew Yarzeit yet. That's next week. Tuesday after Purim. Not sure what I am doing for that either but I will have someone say Kaddish and maybe we will sponsor something at shul or give Tzedaka. There are "things" to do in Judaism to help deal with the loss. I don't know if it is really dealing with the loss anymore. More like keeping his memory alive. Or just remembering in general.

But I don't want to treat tomorrow like it is just another day. Because it's not. It's the day my life changed. My world came crashing down. That sounds dramatic. But it's true.
There have been many days in the past 10 years that I wondered if I would ever be happy again. Truly happy. I haven't asked myself that question in a couple years though. I know the answer now. I am happy. I have an amazing husband and an incredible son and a new baby on the way. It's nice to be happy.

So what do I do with a day like tomorrow? I can't act like I did when I was younger. Just close up and not do anything. Sit around and be sad. Even though that's what I want to do. I want to take the day off. From everything.
But I have to get up with Jonah and cook for Shabbas, run some errands, get some work done, do laundry. Just another day. Maybe I will be on strike. For a day.

Well, maybe that's why I am blogging. This is an outlet for me. A place where I can just type my feelings. They don't have to make sense. But it's also a way to let other people know what's going on in my life.

The hardest part is losing the memories. I don't remember the things I used to. Every year I feel like I lose more. And I wonder - when Jonah is old enough to ask about my dad, will I have anything left to tell him? I don't have a lot of pictures. My dad was the photographer so he was always taking pics not being in them. We have very few of him. I've got a "box of memories". Random things I saved after he died. Things we found in his dresser drawer. He used to take the change that would accumulate in his pocket and put it in a little glass bowl. I have the change from that bowl. I imagine him emptying out his pocket for the last time before he ended up in the hospital. He lived for another month after that stay in the hospital. But he certainly never emptied out any more change from his pockets. I have some old eyeglasses of his. And an old drivers license. I think I may have his wallet. Just miscellaneous stuff. But that's tangible.
Memories aren't tangible. And it's hard to hold on to them. The strongest memories I have are from when he was sick. And when he died. Maybe because those are the most recent. Or maybe because those are the ones I consciously held on to. I knew that I wouldn't have him around much longer. So I had to engrave those memories into my head.

I don't think I will ever lose the memory of when he told us The News. The final news. It's not the actual memory that I remember so well. But it's my thoughts I had at the time. I don't think I will forget what I was thinking.
My brother and I were in his hospital room. My brother was sitting on a chair and I was sitting on the ledge near the window. My dad called that room his "winter chalet" because the view was of some woods and they were all covered in a beautiful snow. I even remember I was sitting on the vent because it kept blowing air. But it was cool air because I kept pressing my hand against the vent and then against my face. My face felt like it was burning up.
I don't remember the exact words he used. Isn't that weird? The worst thing I had ever heard in my life and I don't remember the words.
He told us that the doctors didn't give him much time left. That there was nothing more they could do. The cancer was spreading. It had spread to his liver and eventually his liver will just shut down. And so will he.

I remember that we were interrupted by a nurse. She came in to see how my father was feeling. He told her he was doing better and he thinks he was just sick before as an emotional reaction to the news. I remember thinking that was strange. My dad getting sick. Of course, he is sitting there with cancer but I thought it was strange because he was so calm in telling us. It was weird thinking of him getting emotional when we weren't there.
But what other reaction would someone have when hearing they will die.
She left and he kept talking to us. But there wasn't much to say.
I remember sitting there, looking out the window. With the tears running down my face. I didn't know what to say. Part of me just wanted to curl up next to him and cry. Just hold onto him and never ever let him go. But I didn't. I remember that I wanted my brother to talk to him and work things out. Sometimes they had a rocky relationship and I just wanted everything to be ok.
I think I saw that he was crying. And that struck me also. It made it more real to me. If Adrian is crying, it has to be true.
And I remember thinking it's not fair. It's not fair that my dad has to sit there and tell his children that he is going to die. That is WRONG!! How does a person do that? How do you find the strength?
It's just wrong. It's not fair.
After we left the room, I think he was going to tell my mom or maybe someone else. My aunt? We were in the waiting room. And a rabbi from my elementary school came by to visit. I felt bad. He had no idea that it wasn't a good time. I don't even remember what we said. I was just numb. He left his business card (he is also a moyel) and said to call if/when we need anything. It was a nice gesture but I remember thinking - how can he just go about his regular life when my dad is lying there dying???
That was a common thought throughout the experiance. How does the world go on? Don't they know what's happening???????

That's enough for now...........
Sorry no upbeat messages this year.
Not tonight at least.

But it's ok to be sad. It's healthy to be sad.

I'm sad.

Stand Up to Ahmadinejad

Watch this 2 Minute Film from Aish and then sign the petition.
Pass it on!!

http://www.aish.com/Iran/HR/

Savings Bond

I just found a US Savings Bond from 1991. What am I supposed to do with it?
I assume I am supposed to take it to the bank but is there any chance I will get any extra money from it because it's so old?

Aches and Pains

BEWARE!! WARNING!!! This blog contains many many complaints!!!!

Is it pregnancy or old age (haha) that is making my body fall apart?
From the top of my head to the soles of my feet- I think I am having a rough week.

Last night I had a terrible headache for the first time since I got pregnant. I took 1 and 3/4 Tylenol because that is all that was left in the bottle.

I have a nasty eye infection that makes my left eye BRIGHT scary red and when I sleep it sticks together. Ew.
Don't worry I saw an excellent eye doctor. He gave me drops and told me to take out my contacts. So on top of everything else I have to wear my glasses. Boo. They make my eyes tired. Maybe that's where the headache came from

I'm fighting something. I don't know if it is a cold or sore throat or what but it's taking ALL of my little remaining strength from me and I am completly worn out.

I can't get comfortable when I sleep because the baby is getting so big. So when I sleep on either side - which is the position I am supposed to sleep in when pregnant - I feel like I am smushing the baby. I think it is still sideways. When does it turn head down????

And I have a weird yucky thing on my left foot and toe. It's been there for awhile and I thought it was a callous but now it actually hurts when I walk. I don't know if it is something worth going to the foot doctor for because I feel like it can probably be cured with an over the counter thing. Maybe I should know what it is.
I'm thinking of asking my OB if he knows what it is or if I should go to the foot doctor about it when I go next week. I like to treat my OB as an all around general practitioner. :)

And those are my complaints. All in all, not terrible by themselves but heaped together - they got to me. Thanks for listening to (reading) my whining. I'll be fine soon.

Wish me luck at work today. BLAH!!!!!!!! Maybe they will send me home because the customers will complain about the lady with the gross red eye.
Also, there is supposed to be a BIG snowstorm coming this afternoon. So I will have to attempt to drive through it wearing my glasses. AH!

Purim

I need a good idea for a Purim Costume - preferably one that incorporates my will be 8 month pregnant belly!!!!!!
If I can, I would love to do a theme with Shu and Jonah.
Any ideas?
Also looking for a theme for Shaloch Manot.

I'm drawing a blank............

The Hulkster

Hulk Hogan learns about Kosher from his new Jewish Neighbors.
This is a clip from Hulk Hogan's reality show on VH1.
Check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv1AJ53WfFc

Haha!

The Name Game

What is a Hebrew name that means "Youthful"?

Thanks!

Happy Pregnancy to Me!

I am 30 weeks today!!!

WOAH!!!

That means 10 to go.....................I"YH. B"IH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Cool Video

My friend sent me a link to this cool video. Reminds me of England. :)

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xf9oo_jerome-murat

Enjoy!

Where Did It Go?

Just wanted to let those of you who may be wondering where my LOOOONG Blog went that yes, I deleted it.
It served it's purpose and the situation is resolved.
I'm not even sure who still reads my blog so many of you may not know what I am talking about but for those of you who DID read it and especially the ones who commented to try and help me out (wow, Adrian, I was impressed - good to get a comment from you!!) This was the resolution to the drama!

I sent a LOOOOOOONG e-mail to the lady basically stating my case and going through some points from our e-mails over the past month. I told her at which points I thought she had ducked out of the deal and at which points I wanted to get OUT of the situation.
That night she sent me a very apologetic e-mail for the whole mess.
In the end there was a little more craziness. She was supposed to come pick up the things but their van wouldn't start yada yada. But I gave her another chance and this morning she finally came and picked up the 4 items for the original agreed upon price.
Phew, I'm glad that's over!!!!!

Animal Magic

I just wanted to say THANK YOU to Mark Rosenthal, the guy who we met at the Novi Family Pet Expo who gave me my Fear Factor Experience. I feel he deserves a real Shout Out!!!
His website is: www.iwantanimalmagic.com.
I had seen him before at the Pizza People's Birthday Party and he did an AMAZING show with all kinds of dangerous and exotic animals. Jonah was talking about the Alligator he brought for weeks afterwards.
So, if you are looking for a cool birthday party idea, you should check this guy out.
And even if you are not, check out when he will be doing public shows because he is absolutly fascinating!!!!!
Don't worry, he won't make you hold a tarantula....hehehe. Not unless you want to.

I'm Craaaaaazy!!

Jonah and I went to the Novi Family Pet Expo with Mrs. and Mini AP today. We figured that we would see puppies and kittens and all kinds of cute furry things. And while we did see some of those, we also saw some not so cuddly animals too. :)
And I took my first Fear Factor Challenge......

What's hiding underneath those hands??

That big smile on my face is really a look of TERRORRRRRRR!!!

Yes, that really is a LIVE and LARGE tarantula!!!

Am I craaaazy or what?

Wow, was my adrenaline pumping during that! My heart was pounding, my hands were shaking. It was quite a rush!

I knew I still had some "WackyNat" in me!

ET Phone Home

The title doesn't mean anything aside from the fact that it has the word phone in it.

I just want to share another customer service story with everyone. Nope, it wasn't at my store. This time I was the customer! And am VERY satisfied. I must recommend STAPLES to everyone. Their customer service is really exceptional. Anytime I have had an issue, they always clear it up with no problem. But this time, they really impressed me.
I only went in to the store thinking they would be able to help me out but I thought it would be a real hassle. Ok, here's the story.

We bought a phone there awhile ago and we have been having problems with it for about the past 6 months. The phone was an AT&T cordless with 2 extra handsets. The kind that you just plug in one phone to the phone jack and the other 2 handsets just need to be plugged into an electrical outlet. I bought it because we use Vonage and I don't know how else to use other phones with it. So the problem we were having was with all 3 of the keypad buttons. You had to press them REALLY hard to enter the number and sometimes, it would enter the number twice. I can't tell you how frustrating it could be to dial a phone number. It would take 3-4 times!! Or like when you are calling an automated system and it asks for your LOOONG account number, you get halfway through and boom, double 2's when you only want one!
So it was quite annoying but we didn't do anything about it. We just dealt with it. It has been really bad lately so I started looking at new phone to buy. I had no idea when we bought this one but I didn't think it was SOOO long ago.
Today I decided to try and fix it. I found the manuel and read that, nothing there. I went on the AT&T website and tried to find an answer, nothing there. Then I figured before I call AT&T or Staples, I should figure out when I bought it. So I went on a search and found not only my receipt - from October 13, 2004 (!!) but also an extra warranty protection that I bought from Staples to cover for a year past the manufacturers warranty. So I called the Staples Warranty Number and they said that the manufacturers warranty covers one year and their warranty covers one more year. So basically it ran out 3 weeks ago! And no, they couldn't extend it or do anything for me. I could have kicked myself!
Well, I decided to go into Staples and see if they would be able to help me out anymore because the people on the phone were just a third party place. I knew Staples was generally helpful and I really hoped they could do something because it was only 3 weeks past the deadline........
Also, I didn't want my money back. I just wanted to fix my phone or get store credit for a new one or something.
So I held my breath and there I went. I expected they may do it for me but only after I argued for it.
Well, I walked in and 3 people offered to help me. Two were behind the counter and another man who looked more like a manager. So I just explained that I bought this phone - apparently 2 years ago and I bought the extended service plan and I had been having trouble with it for about 6 months and I really just wanted to fix it or get a new phone or something. But my warranty had ran out 3 weeks ago!! Is there anyway they could help me?
The manager said they would go ahead and take care of me. They can return the phone for what I paid for it and switch me up to a newer model and get me taken care of with a new service plan and that way, I won't have lost any money on it. He was SO nice and understanding about it! It was really great.
Then he sent me off with the sales guy to pick out a phone and we picked out a fancy new Uniden phone with 3 extra handsets and all kinds of extra features. The main thing I wanted was the extra handsets and a speaker phone but this one came with a whole lot more. So that was exciting.
We went back to the front. He returned my phone for the price I paid (even though now it was worth only $12.50) and bought the new one - which was the same price as the one I originally paid for and charged me $10 for the warranty plan. It covers everything and anything - even if I drop and break the phone or something like that. And I can just bring it in for a replacement.
Well, this time I will make sure to bring it in right away if it does break - that's for sure.
But I just felt like I should share this story with everyone and compliment Staples on their EXCELLENT customer service!!!!
I'll keep you posted on how the phone is working out. It has to charge for 15-20 hours before we can use it!

Take Me Out to the Ball Game!

Go Tigers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come on Cardinals....................

Here's to a possible trip to St.Louis to watch the Tigers take on the Cardinals (or is it the Cardinals take on the Tigers?) in a World Series!!!!!!!!!

The question is......WHO do I root for? Can I go for both? Wear a Tigers shirt and a Cardinals hat?? Hmm....dilemma.....