Monday, November 10, 2008

Out of touch

I spoke with my grandmother briefly yesterday who informed me that my aunt (who lives in Israel) told her that no one hears from me. This didn't surprise me and in fact, I had even told Shauli that I bet my aunt was telling my grandmother that I don't call. That's how it was all the other times I have been here.
Well, this time I asked my grandmother - has my aunt called me? No......
I am the one who just made Aliyah, pregnant, with my husband and 2 young children. She has been here for something like 25 years or more.
I am the one trying to deal with the medical system (both for myself and for Sammy who has constantly been sick since we arrived), the educational and childcare system, a foreign language (yes, I can have a simple conversation in Hebrew but ask me to read and understand forms, bills, and Jonah's letters from Gan - forget it!). We've been the ones without all our stuff for the past 2 months, attempting to live normally. Now that our stuff has arrived, we are trying to put our apartment into some kind of order. Kudos to Shu for that one because I don't know that I have unpacked a single box - aside from kid's clothes!
So, I want to know - how come she hasn't called to ask ME how I am doing???
The truth is, I don't expect much different. I will definitely call when I have a chance and hope to visit her and my cousins (who I haven't spoken to yet). When I see them we get along fine. But I feel like I am always the one who makes the effort.

Even though I sound bitter about it, I do feel badly. I feel badly that I just don't have the time to make phone calls. I feel like I am not only neglecting that family that is here but I haven't been well enough in touch with my family and FRIENDS back in the States. And I was the one who reassured them that sure, I'll have an American number, we can talk all the time. We just have to make the effort. Even if we don't have time for a loooong phone conversation, we just have to call and say Hey. But I haven't fulfilled my end of the bargain.

However, yesterday was an example of why I really did not even have a minute to sit down and make a simple phone call.

After being up constantly through the night because of a bad cough, and waking up a bunch of times with Jonah, because of his bad cough, I finally was woken for good by my kids shortly after 6am. Yesterday was a little different because Jonah ended up staying at home but normally, they wake me between 6 and 7am and we get up, play, get dressed, eat breakfast, and get ready for school. Then Shu and I each walk a kid to their respective schools (or sometimes Shu takes both). That's by about 8am or so. I get back, drink a Shoko in a bag for breakfast and settle in for a long day of work. I work from about 8:30am - 4:30pm, give or take an hour. Sammy comes home at 4pm and proceeds to cling to me and cry. Then I attempt to make dinner (with Sammy clinging to me) and often give up and Shu either takes over the kid or the dinner. After dinner, I either head off to Ulpan (until 9pm) or am at home getting the kids ready for bed and attempting to put them to sleep. I say attempting because while Jonah has been pretty good about going to sleep (after books and songs), Sammy has stopped going to sleep. I mean it. He just doesn't go to sleep anymore. And he's our good sleeper!!!
Last night, we thought he was out for the night at a normal hour. So I attempted to make a phone call. I left a message on a friend's machine and then called Grandma. She has a packed schedule so it's hard to reach her but I guess it was early enough in the morning that I caught her at home. We spoke long enough for her to tell me about my aunt and then Sammy started screaming. So we wrapped up that conversation and Sammy was awake until close to midnight.

So much for phone calls.

So, for all you dear and loved ones out there, I know I haven't called. Or certainly haven't called enough. But at the moment, it's just because I literally don't even have 2 minutes to sit down and breathe. it's not cuz I don't think about you and miss you and wish you were here! I look forward to hopefully the near future when Shu has a job (so I don't feel the pressure of the only income) and Sammy is adjusted and our house is somewhat in order.

Aside from that, all is well and good here. :)
By the way, if you don't have our number - drop me a line and I will send it to you!!! Then you can call me and say sit down, let's chat. :)

All the best and all my love from the Holy Land. I'll try to post pics soon! But you may want to check Shu's Facebook for that. He's better about it.....


Olah Chadasha said...

I TOTALLY understand how you feel.

AP said...

you owe me a call!! i'm so insulted... just kidding! sending huge {{{hugs}}} your way. i hope life starts to get easier for you soon!!!!

DonutsMom said...

Just wanted to say Thanks to all you out there for your phone calls, e-mails, understanding, and support! You're the best!