Is anyone else having trouble viewing my previous post? For some reason, when I open up my blog, it doesn't show up. It is just empty space.
Anyone know what is up with that?????
Let me know if you can read it.
Thanks!!
Friday, March 24, 2006
What To Do??
The Kohl's Employees are having a campaign called "What to Do" or something like that. We are collecting toys and games for kids in Childrens Hospital. So if you have any extra games or coloring books or other "Things to Do", let me know and I will bring it into work. This campaign is running through April 1st. If you need more information or have questions, let me know. Thanks!!!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Yarzeit
David "Rick" MartinezJune 16, 1945 - February 22, 1997
Tonight and tomorrow is my dad's Yarzeit. His name was Dovid ben Avraham.
If you want to make a L'Chaim for an aliyah for his neshama, feel free. :) Or you can do something else and have in mind that his neshama should have an aliyah.
I think this will be the end of my depressing posts (at least for now). The blog is getting too dark.
Stay tuned for Purim pics of Jonah!!!!!
Friday, March 10, 2006
Death's Eyes
I wrote this about 3 weeks after my dad passed away. Same time as the last poem I posted. I was on a plane going somewhere when I wrote these. Maybe to New York? Possibly back to Pittsburgh?
Looking back at it, it's pretty morbid.
Death's Eyes
March 16, 1997
I look out into the darkness
And what do I see
But a pair of dark blue eyes
Looking back at me.
Who are you? I cry.
And why are you here?
What do you want?
Do I have cause to fear?
I am your worst nightmare
I have come to take you away
Come quickly now
For I cannot stay.
You claim you are my worst nightmare
Yet I am not scared
You've come to take me away
I have no belongings but am prepared.
Is your name Death?
Is that who you are?
If I have guessed the truth
Then please take me and take me far
For then I will find my father
The hole in my heart he can fill
And we will have found happiness
Yes I know that we will.
Looking back at it, it's pretty morbid.
Death's Eyes
March 16, 1997
I look out into the darkness
And what do I see
But a pair of dark blue eyes
Looking back at me.
Who are you? I cry.
And why are you here?
What do you want?
Do I have cause to fear?
I am your worst nightmare
I have come to take you away
Come quickly now
For I cannot stay.
You claim you are my worst nightmare
Yet I am not scared
You've come to take me away
I have no belongings but am prepared.
Is your name Death?
Is that who you are?
If I have guessed the truth
Then please take me and take me far
For then I will find my father
The hole in my heart he can fill
And we will have found happiness
Yes I know that we will.
Monday, March 06, 2006
I'm It. Again.
I got tagged. Personally, I don't like this one as much as the last one but I will fill it out anway.
Oh yah, and I tag.............Malkie C., Shelley S., and Milaine. I know you don't have blogs but you say you read mine so you can post your response in the comments section. :)
Q: Who's the 4th person on your received call list?
A: Seth
Q: What's your main ringtone on your phone?
A: Latin
Q: What were you doing at midnight last night?
A: Working (medical billing)
Q: What did the last text message on your cell phone say?
A: I am so sick. Sorry for not replying earlier. Ill try calling u tomorrow. Good night. Lena.
Q: Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
A: Mine
Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
A: Denim
Q: Most recent movie that you watched?
A: Closer (UGH)
Q: Name 3 things that you have on you at all times?
A: engagement ring, wedding band, necklace
Q: What's the color of your bedsheets?
A: Blue
Q: How much cash do you have on you right now?
A: 26 cents
Q: What is your favorite part of the chicken?
A: The part that someone else cleaned and cooked.
Q: What's your favorite town/city?
A: How about State? Israel.
Q: I can't wait to (til)...?
A: Be out of debt.
Q: When was the last time you saw your mom?
A: January
Q: When was the last time you saw your dad?
A: February 23rd, 1997.
Q: When was the last time you talked to them?
A: Mom, Thursday night.
Dad - see above. Unless you count talking to his "soul".
Q: What did you have for dinner LAST NIGHT?
A: Broccolli quiche, sesame noodles, and 7 layer cake.
Q: How long have you been at your current job?
A: Job #1 - 2 years and 3 months
Job #2 - almost a year
Q: Look to your left. What's there?
A: The door to the porch, cabinets, a stereo
Q: Who is the last person you spent over $50 on?
A: Our company- I bought food for Shabbas.
Q: What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone?
A: Jocey's cute grey hat
Q: What website(s) do you visit the most during the day?
A: I am usually just trying to catch up with e-mail. Or if I am working, I am on the work website.
Q: Do you have an air freshener in your car?
A: nope
Q: Do you have plants in your room?
A: nope
Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now?
A: Nope, thank G-d
Q: What city was your last taxi cab ride in?
A: St. Louis - in the wee hours of the morning
Q: Do you own a camera phone?
A: Yep
Q: What's your favorite Starbucks drink?
A: Don't go to Starbucks. But if I did, it would either be hot chocolate or hot apple cider (I assume they have those)
Q: Recent time you were really upset?
A: At the doctor.
Q: Have you been in love with anyone?
A: Oh yes.
Oh yah, and I tag.............Malkie C., Shelley S., and Milaine. I know you don't have blogs but you say you read mine so you can post your response in the comments section. :)
Q: Who's the 4th person on your received call list?
A: Seth
Q: What's your main ringtone on your phone?
A: Latin
Q: What were you doing at midnight last night?
A: Working (medical billing)
Q: What did the last text message on your cell phone say?
A: I am so sick. Sorry for not replying earlier. Ill try calling u tomorrow. Good night. Lena.
Q: Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
A: Mine
Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
A: Denim
Q: Most recent movie that you watched?
A: Closer (UGH)
Q: Name 3 things that you have on you at all times?
A: engagement ring, wedding band, necklace
Q: What's the color of your bedsheets?
A: Blue
Q: How much cash do you have on you right now?
A: 26 cents
Q: What is your favorite part of the chicken?
A: The part that someone else cleaned and cooked.
Q: What's your favorite town/city?
A: How about State? Israel.
Q: I can't wait to (til)...?
A: Be out of debt.
Q: When was the last time you saw your mom?
A: January
Q: When was the last time you saw your dad?
A: February 23rd, 1997.
Q: When was the last time you talked to them?
A: Mom, Thursday night.
Dad - see above. Unless you count talking to his "soul".
Q: What did you have for dinner LAST NIGHT?
A: Broccolli quiche, sesame noodles, and 7 layer cake.
Q: How long have you been at your current job?
A: Job #1 - 2 years and 3 months
Job #2 - almost a year
Q: Look to your left. What's there?
A: The door to the porch, cabinets, a stereo
Q: Who is the last person you spent over $50 on?
A: Our company- I bought food for Shabbas.
Q: What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone?
A: Jocey's cute grey hat
Q: What website(s) do you visit the most during the day?
A: I am usually just trying to catch up with e-mail. Or if I am working, I am on the work website.
Q: Do you have an air freshener in your car?
A: nope
Q: Do you have plants in your room?
A: nope
Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now?
A: Nope, thank G-d
Q: What city was your last taxi cab ride in?
A: St. Louis - in the wee hours of the morning
Q: Do you own a camera phone?
A: Yep
Q: What's your favorite Starbucks drink?
A: Don't go to Starbucks. But if I did, it would either be hot chocolate or hot apple cider (I assume they have those)
Q: Recent time you were really upset?
A: At the doctor.
Q: Have you been in love with anyone?
A: Oh yes.
Friday, March 03, 2006
I Once Was A Daddy's Girl
I wrote this poem about 3 weeks after my dad passed away.
I Once Was A Daddy's Girl
March 16, 1997
Daddy's Girl
Yes, that was me
Daddy's Girl
Didn't you see?
Now he is gone
And I am all alone
I feel so lost
I have no home.
How will I get through
When he is not here?
Living on my own
Is what I fear.
How could this happen?
How could he die?
Why did he leave me?
Why, oh why?
I once was a Daddy's Girl
Did you look? Did you see?
Once it was me and daddy.
Now it's just me.
I Once Was A Daddy's Girl
March 16, 1997
Daddy's Girl
Yes, that was me
Daddy's Girl
Didn't you see?
Now he is gone
And I am all alone
I feel so lost
I have no home.
How will I get through
When he is not here?
Living on my own
Is what I fear.
How could this happen?
How could he die?
Why did he leave me?
Why, oh why?
I once was a Daddy's Girl
Did you look? Did you see?
Once it was me and daddy.
Now it's just me.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
To Dad, With Love
I wrote this in January of 1997. My father had been diagnosed with cancer 2 months before, around Thanksgiving. In January, he came down with a blood infection and was not expected to live through the night. I was in school in Pittsburgh at the time and booked a flight home as soon as I could get one - which wasn't until the next morning.
I had to call my dad that night and basically say goodbye to him over the phone. What do you say in a phone call like that??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wrote this poem for him while waiting to go home. I read it to him in the ICU, while wearing a surgical mask. I was not allowed to give him the hug, kiss, or even show him the smile I wrote about.
But I hung the poem on the wall when I left.
And this is the poem I was asked to read at his funeral.
To Dad, With Love
To me you mean the world
You're my dad and you should know.
That I love you and I miss you
Although these feelings rarely show.
You're sick right now and in pain
It hurts me too, you see
I am your only daughter,
Your youngest I'll always be.
Things are rough right now
They have been for awhile
I don't know how to cheer you up
But here's a hug, a kiss, and a smile.
I try to be strong and keep my chin high
I daven, I pray everyday
I know my Tefilot will reach Hashem
I know they will find the way.
Around the world and back again
People are hoping and praying for you.
And no matter what happens,
Please know that I love you.
I had to call my dad that night and basically say goodbye to him over the phone. What do you say in a phone call like that??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wrote this poem for him while waiting to go home. I read it to him in the ICU, while wearing a surgical mask. I was not allowed to give him the hug, kiss, or even show him the smile I wrote about.
But I hung the poem on the wall when I left.
And this is the poem I was asked to read at his funeral.
To Dad, With Love
To me you mean the world
You're my dad and you should know.
That I love you and I miss you
Although these feelings rarely show.
You're sick right now and in pain
It hurts me too, you see
I am your only daughter,
Your youngest I'll always be.
Things are rough right now
They have been for awhile
I don't know how to cheer you up
But here's a hug, a kiss, and a smile.
I try to be strong and keep my chin high
I daven, I pray everyday
I know my Tefilot will reach Hashem
I know they will find the way.
Around the world and back again
People are hoping and praying for you.
And no matter what happens,
Please know that I love you.
Poems
I was going through some of my files the other day and I came across a notebook of poetry I had kept while my dad was sick and after he passed away.
That was one of the ways I dealt with all the emotions raging inside of me. I wrote. I would not say it's very good poetry, but it's how I felt, for the most part.
Ever since my last post, I have been thinking of my dad a lot more often. Maybe I am building up for his Hebrew yarzeit (which is 2 days after Purim). In case you are confused about why the two don't coincide, when he passed away, it was a Hebrew leap year so there were 2 months of Adar. He passed away in the first one and Purim was in the second one. Does that help?
Well, I have been thinking of my dad more often and want to share things about him. I haven't decided exactly how I want to do that but I figure my poetry is a good start. So I am going to toss a few poems out there for ya. Once again, they aren't very good but they are real.
This is just my Introduction. And I will post poems separately.
Enjoy.
Or don't.
Whatever.
That was one of the ways I dealt with all the emotions raging inside of me. I wrote. I would not say it's very good poetry, but it's how I felt, for the most part.
Ever since my last post, I have been thinking of my dad a lot more often. Maybe I am building up for his Hebrew yarzeit (which is 2 days after Purim). In case you are confused about why the two don't coincide, when he passed away, it was a Hebrew leap year so there were 2 months of Adar. He passed away in the first one and Purim was in the second one. Does that help?
Well, I have been thinking of my dad more often and want to share things about him. I haven't decided exactly how I want to do that but I figure my poetry is a good start. So I am going to toss a few poems out there for ya. Once again, they aren't very good but they are real.
This is just my Introduction. And I will post poems separately.
Enjoy.
Or don't.
Whatever.
Friday, February 24, 2006
February 23rd, 1997
This is the third time I have opened up blogger to post. But I don't know what to write or how to write it.
I have been meaning to write for the past week - random stories or thoughts but never got around to it.
But today, I feel I should post. It has just been a strange day for me. I am not sure how to feel.
9 years ago today my father passed away. 9 years is a long time. Almost a decade. And I don't know how to feel about it anymore. I'm not saying that I am not sad. But the pain is not the same as it once was. And I feel guilty about that. I didn't go through today all day thinking about what happened at this moment 9 years ago. I didn't wake up this morning thinking how I didn't want to get out of bed and I just wanted the day to be over.
I woke up because Jonah woke up and my alarm went off. I was feeling pretty sick (I am fighting something but at this point I am not sure who is winning). I had breakfast and got my lunch together. And went to work.
At work, I was pretty busy so my mind wasn't on it that much. I didn't think about the exact moment when he died or what happened right afterwards. I thought about it briefly when customers would ask the date. Feb. 23rd.
Feb. 23rd.
Feb. 23rd.
When he died, I think there were ways that it hurt me very badly and messed me up. And there were ways that getting through it helped me grow. It made me a better person in some ways. It made me grow up in a LOT of ways. It obviously changed my entire life. Not for the better - just for the different.
The hard thing is, I can't imagine him in my life right now. I am such a different person. It's hard for me to imagine a conversation with him. What would we talk about? Would we be as close as we once were?
The crazy thing is, the one thing I can imagine is him and Jonah. My dad LOVED kids. And I can just picture Jonah running up to him and giving him a HUGE hug. I can imagine the two of them having a conversation in Jonah's little language. I can see my dad's eyes light up at the sight of him and Jonah's eyes light up playing with him. I think Jonah has my dad's eyes.
Sometimes when Jonah stares at me - he has such a knowing look. Like he stares deep inside of me. He looks at me the way my dad sometimes looked at me when he wasn't able to communicate so well anymore. Maybe that's freaky. Or maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me. Trying to hold on to some part of my dad. I don't know.
It is what it is.
The one thing I hate about my dad's death is how it has desensitized me. Like when I hear about an older person passing away, it's very hard for me to feel sad about it. I automatically think, wow, you were lucky to have had them around for that long. They lived a long and full life, what is there to be sad about? But you can't say that to someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one. I think it is a terrible attitude for me to have. I hear about people losing grandparents and I really don't know what to say. Because that is the way things happen. That is a normal time for them to die.
When my dad died, all 4 of my grandparents were still living. Within 3 years of his death, 3 of them had passed away. My mom's parents died when I was in Israel for seminary (they died within about 2 months from each other) and my dad's father died while I was in New York. I wasn't very close with those grandparents and so while I was very sad when they died, it was not something that haunted me day and night for weeks or months afterward. I think I was more sad for what we missed out on as opposed to just the fact of losing them. When I hear of someone losing a grandparent, after my initial reaction where I can't really understand their pain, I think of losing my living grandmother. And that shock wakes me up and I realize that yes, it still hurts. I can't even think about it because I can't imagine her not around.
So, I guess I am still somewhat mixed up.
While I wrote this, I did shed a few tears. Mostly when I was writing about my dad and Jonah. Maybe because I knew that my thoughts are all that I will have of them. Picturing them together in my head is as close as I will get to it.
Part of me still wishes I had more of the pain that I had when I lost him. Maybe I feel like I would be a better daughter if I was more miserable today. Or maybe this is just what happens almost a decade after you lose someone...................
Maybe I am normal.
I have been meaning to write for the past week - random stories or thoughts but never got around to it.
But today, I feel I should post. It has just been a strange day for me. I am not sure how to feel.
9 years ago today my father passed away. 9 years is a long time. Almost a decade. And I don't know how to feel about it anymore. I'm not saying that I am not sad. But the pain is not the same as it once was. And I feel guilty about that. I didn't go through today all day thinking about what happened at this moment 9 years ago. I didn't wake up this morning thinking how I didn't want to get out of bed and I just wanted the day to be over.
I woke up because Jonah woke up and my alarm went off. I was feeling pretty sick (I am fighting something but at this point I am not sure who is winning). I had breakfast and got my lunch together. And went to work.
At work, I was pretty busy so my mind wasn't on it that much. I didn't think about the exact moment when he died or what happened right afterwards. I thought about it briefly when customers would ask the date. Feb. 23rd.
Feb. 23rd.
Feb. 23rd.
When he died, I think there were ways that it hurt me very badly and messed me up. And there were ways that getting through it helped me grow. It made me a better person in some ways. It made me grow up in a LOT of ways. It obviously changed my entire life. Not for the better - just for the different.
The hard thing is, I can't imagine him in my life right now. I am such a different person. It's hard for me to imagine a conversation with him. What would we talk about? Would we be as close as we once were?
The crazy thing is, the one thing I can imagine is him and Jonah. My dad LOVED kids. And I can just picture Jonah running up to him and giving him a HUGE hug. I can imagine the two of them having a conversation in Jonah's little language. I can see my dad's eyes light up at the sight of him and Jonah's eyes light up playing with him. I think Jonah has my dad's eyes.
Sometimes when Jonah stares at me - he has such a knowing look. Like he stares deep inside of me. He looks at me the way my dad sometimes looked at me when he wasn't able to communicate so well anymore. Maybe that's freaky. Or maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me. Trying to hold on to some part of my dad. I don't know.
It is what it is.
The one thing I hate about my dad's death is how it has desensitized me. Like when I hear about an older person passing away, it's very hard for me to feel sad about it. I automatically think, wow, you were lucky to have had them around for that long. They lived a long and full life, what is there to be sad about? But you can't say that to someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one. I think it is a terrible attitude for me to have. I hear about people losing grandparents and I really don't know what to say. Because that is the way things happen. That is a normal time for them to die.
When my dad died, all 4 of my grandparents were still living. Within 3 years of his death, 3 of them had passed away. My mom's parents died when I was in Israel for seminary (they died within about 2 months from each other) and my dad's father died while I was in New York. I wasn't very close with those grandparents and so while I was very sad when they died, it was not something that haunted me day and night for weeks or months afterward. I think I was more sad for what we missed out on as opposed to just the fact of losing them. When I hear of someone losing a grandparent, after my initial reaction where I can't really understand their pain, I think of losing my living grandmother. And that shock wakes me up and I realize that yes, it still hurts. I can't even think about it because I can't imagine her not around.
So, I guess I am still somewhat mixed up.
While I wrote this, I did shed a few tears. Mostly when I was writing about my dad and Jonah. Maybe because I knew that my thoughts are all that I will have of them. Picturing them together in my head is as close as I will get to it.
Part of me still wishes I had more of the pain that I had when I lost him. Maybe I feel like I would be a better daughter if I was more miserable today. Or maybe this is just what happens almost a decade after you lose someone...................
Maybe I am normal.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Finances
Does anyone know of a good financial planning/tracking program? I tried Quicken but Shu's computer wouldn't let me get updates from the Internet so I had to put everything in manually. After 3 hours, I really didn't accomplish much because I was still missing so much information and didn't understand how it all works.
Does anyone know of an easier program?
I basically just want to track my expenses and maybe get some help with budgeting.
Any suggestions?
Does anyone know of an easier program?
I basically just want to track my expenses and maybe get some help with budgeting.
Any suggestions?
Sunday, February 12, 2006
The End of an Era
As of 1/31/2006, I am officially no longer an EMT.
In practice, I have not been an EMT since 2003 but on paper, I was a New York State licensed EMT until 2 weeks ago.
Huh.
Part of me is sad about it. That was a career path, I thought I had chosen to follow. But then things changed. And it simply didn't fit into my lifestyle anymore. Also, I didn't love it in America the way that I loved it in Israel. It was so different here. It was no longer about the patient first and foremost. It was about making sure you cover your tush and don't get sued. Here, EMT's are at the bottom of the chain. There is no respect for them (at least in the hospital setting).
In Israel, it was a different story. That's where I got my start as an EMT. Well, a First Responder and then a step up. Kind of a non-driving EMT. When I took my course in Israel and started volunteering in Ashdod, it was like I found my path. I loved it. Every aspect of it. The good calls, the bad calls, the adrenaline. Making a difference. Helping the people of Israel. At a time when the Intifada was at it's worst and every day we wondered where the next bomb would go off, I felt like I stepped in to try and help. It wasn't easy but it was amazing. It changed my life.
To give a little background, I went back to Israel for an Overseas program with Ben Gurion University in August of 2001. I went a little early and volunteered with the Israeli Army in a program called Sar-El for a short time. I wanted to be in Israel to help. I was so helpless in America and just being back in Israel at such a time felt good. Volunteering in the army felt great. No, we didn't do anything major but we sort of took the place of a reserve soldier so they could do other things. We did a lot of grunt work. And I loved it. Someone has to do it.....
Then I started the University program and got into the university lifestyle. We had fun. Tuesday nights were salsa night in the bomb shelter turned disco. Random nights we would drive out into the desert (we had no room for anyone else in the car one night that we went so we stuffed 2 people in the trunk.....) and have bonfires. Touring, classes, having fun.
Then came time for winter break. Things in the country were going downhill and I felt like I was in Israel but I wasn't doing anything to HELP Israel. A lot of my friends were going back to the States for our 2 1/2 month break but I didn't have the money nor the desire for it. I started researching different programs and thought about going back to Sar-El. I even hooked some friends up with the program. But then I found out about the Magen David Adom Overseas Volunteer program. Wow. Intensive training for a week as a First Responder and then be sent somewhere in the country to ride on ambulances for 2 months. It sounded perfect. But could I really do it? I had never seen any blood or guts in my life and never broken any of my own bones. Would I be able to keep my cool? Would I freak out?
But I wanted to do it SO badly. I met with Yochai who was in charge of the program and we discussed it. He said as part of the training, we would be helped out with that aspect and learn how to deal with what we would see. Physically and emotionally. He encouraged me to go for it.
So, I did.
I was sent to Ashdod with 4 other volunteers and we had an amazing time. Truly life-changing.
As for my best and worst cases?
Well, the best were always the pregnant ladies we would transport to the hospitals that always waited just a little bit too long. One of them was REALLY close and the medic in the back with me said that if we didn't make it to the hospital in 2 minutes, we would be delivering the baby right here. I leaned over to the driver and whispered for him to slow down. I REALLY wanted to deliver a baby. But, we made it. Lucky lady.
Worst cases? Well, there are a few of those. But 2 stand out in my head. The first was one of my first few calls. We had to accompany the police to a house and tell some parents that their daughter had been found dead. She had OD'd on drugs. Whew. That was a rough one. Just standing there and trying to keep my composure while watching the police deliver the news. It was rough. Watching the mother crumple down when they told her. Knowing her life had just changed forever. That was a tough one.
The other was more of a physically challenging case. And I believe it is the worst thing I have ever seen in my life. The next few paragraphs may be graphic so beware. Proceed with caution.
We got the call just after my team and I were munching on delicious pizza bourekas. The call is a man shot in the head. I throw my boureka back in the bag and gobble down some TUMS. We don't know any more information than that. It's the driver, an Israeli volunteer and me. The Israeli volunteer is sitting up front and does her lipstick as we are racing through the streets. Thoughts are flashing through my head. What will it look like? Will I faint? Will I throw up? Will we be able to save him? Was it a suicide? A murder? Through the mouth? Through the ear? I told the driver that this is my first case seeing blood and guts. My other cases had been more along the lines of either already dead people or breathing issues. For the most part. But no REAL blood, guts, and gore. The driver's advice to us was whatever we do, don't faint. We can throw up as much as we want, but don't faint. Oh boy.
We get to the apartment and there are police cars outside. We go upstairs in the elevator and a nosy neighbor is asking what's going on. But we don't say anything. Don't faint. Don't faint. I was feeling a little light-headed. The elevator gets to the right floor and I see the doorway opened a crack. Woaaaah.....
But as soon as we enter the apartment and I take a glance around the apartment, I feel my mind completely switch gears. It's not about me anymore. It is about the patient. Let's do what we can and try to save him. I take it all in. A man on the porch, looking upset. Policemen. A pillow on the floor. A black gun lying in a pool of blood. In some ways it looked like a movie scene. The way it was set up. But in the movies, you just have bright red blood. You don't have bits of brain matter and various shades of blood and other goop.
There was an old man, lying on the floor. And he was gasping for breath. He was still alive. But barely. My memory is a little hazy at this point. I was getting supplies from the bag and giving them to the medic and the other volunteer. The medic was doing stuff to the man and getting the Automatic External Defibrilater (sp?) ready and the girl was holding what was left of his head and was bagging him - helping him breathe. I remember at one point, she said she felt his brain coming out into her hands and was going to throw up. I was going to take over but she recovered.
He took some final gasps for air but didn't make it. We had to call another crew that had a doctor and get permission to stop working on him. There was just nothing left to do.
A police photographer was there snapping pictures. We cleaned up our mess and waited for the other crew to arrive so the doctor could officially declare him dead.
We got some of the story while we were waiting. The man had cancer and some other medical issues and was basically slowly dying. His son (the man on the porch) had come to take him to another appointment and when he came into the apartment, found him dead on the floor.
So that was that.
I won't ever forget that call.
During my time as a New York EMT, I did not have anything quite as dramatic as that. The two cases that stick out most in my head are one, when I did my required day at the ER, I had a chance to do CPR compressions on a man. It was tough. He didn't make it and wasn't going to make it by the time they let us try the compressions but it was good experiance. It's a lot harder doing it on an older, overweight man than it is on Annie, the CPR dummy.
The other case was a woman from a nursing home who we pretty much saved her life. She was having really bad breathing issues and kept puking everywhere but she wasn't getting any oxygen. So we had to bag her and I rode to the hospital while crouched over the stretcher bagging her, forcing her to breathe - amidst puke. That was a really intense call. And my partner and I had a fight afterwards.
Well, that's that. My most memorable moments as an EMT. And the end of an era.
In practice, I have not been an EMT since 2003 but on paper, I was a New York State licensed EMT until 2 weeks ago.
Huh.
Part of me is sad about it. That was a career path, I thought I had chosen to follow. But then things changed. And it simply didn't fit into my lifestyle anymore. Also, I didn't love it in America the way that I loved it in Israel. It was so different here. It was no longer about the patient first and foremost. It was about making sure you cover your tush and don't get sued. Here, EMT's are at the bottom of the chain. There is no respect for them (at least in the hospital setting).
In Israel, it was a different story. That's where I got my start as an EMT. Well, a First Responder and then a step up. Kind of a non-driving EMT. When I took my course in Israel and started volunteering in Ashdod, it was like I found my path. I loved it. Every aspect of it. The good calls, the bad calls, the adrenaline. Making a difference. Helping the people of Israel. At a time when the Intifada was at it's worst and every day we wondered where the next bomb would go off, I felt like I stepped in to try and help. It wasn't easy but it was amazing. It changed my life.
To give a little background, I went back to Israel for an Overseas program with Ben Gurion University in August of 2001. I went a little early and volunteered with the Israeli Army in a program called Sar-El for a short time. I wanted to be in Israel to help. I was so helpless in America and just being back in Israel at such a time felt good. Volunteering in the army felt great. No, we didn't do anything major but we sort of took the place of a reserve soldier so they could do other things. We did a lot of grunt work. And I loved it. Someone has to do it.....
Then I started the University program and got into the university lifestyle. We had fun. Tuesday nights were salsa night in the bomb shelter turned disco. Random nights we would drive out into the desert (we had no room for anyone else in the car one night that we went so we stuffed 2 people in the trunk.....) and have bonfires. Touring, classes, having fun.
Then came time for winter break. Things in the country were going downhill and I felt like I was in Israel but I wasn't doing anything to HELP Israel. A lot of my friends were going back to the States for our 2 1/2 month break but I didn't have the money nor the desire for it. I started researching different programs and thought about going back to Sar-El. I even hooked some friends up with the program. But then I found out about the Magen David Adom Overseas Volunteer program. Wow. Intensive training for a week as a First Responder and then be sent somewhere in the country to ride on ambulances for 2 months. It sounded perfect. But could I really do it? I had never seen any blood or guts in my life and never broken any of my own bones. Would I be able to keep my cool? Would I freak out?
But I wanted to do it SO badly. I met with Yochai who was in charge of the program and we discussed it. He said as part of the training, we would be helped out with that aspect and learn how to deal with what we would see. Physically and emotionally. He encouraged me to go for it.
So, I did.
I was sent to Ashdod with 4 other volunteers and we had an amazing time. Truly life-changing.
As for my best and worst cases?
Well, the best were always the pregnant ladies we would transport to the hospitals that always waited just a little bit too long. One of them was REALLY close and the medic in the back with me said that if we didn't make it to the hospital in 2 minutes, we would be delivering the baby right here. I leaned over to the driver and whispered for him to slow down. I REALLY wanted to deliver a baby. But, we made it. Lucky lady.
Worst cases? Well, there are a few of those. But 2 stand out in my head. The first was one of my first few calls. We had to accompany the police to a house and tell some parents that their daughter had been found dead. She had OD'd on drugs. Whew. That was a rough one. Just standing there and trying to keep my composure while watching the police deliver the news. It was rough. Watching the mother crumple down when they told her. Knowing her life had just changed forever. That was a tough one.
The other was more of a physically challenging case. And I believe it is the worst thing I have ever seen in my life. The next few paragraphs may be graphic so beware. Proceed with caution.
We got the call just after my team and I were munching on delicious pizza bourekas. The call is a man shot in the head. I throw my boureka back in the bag and gobble down some TUMS. We don't know any more information than that. It's the driver, an Israeli volunteer and me. The Israeli volunteer is sitting up front and does her lipstick as we are racing through the streets. Thoughts are flashing through my head. What will it look like? Will I faint? Will I throw up? Will we be able to save him? Was it a suicide? A murder? Through the mouth? Through the ear? I told the driver that this is my first case seeing blood and guts. My other cases had been more along the lines of either already dead people or breathing issues. For the most part. But no REAL blood, guts, and gore. The driver's advice to us was whatever we do, don't faint. We can throw up as much as we want, but don't faint. Oh boy.
We get to the apartment and there are police cars outside. We go upstairs in the elevator and a nosy neighbor is asking what's going on. But we don't say anything. Don't faint. Don't faint. I was feeling a little light-headed. The elevator gets to the right floor and I see the doorway opened a crack. Woaaaah.....
But as soon as we enter the apartment and I take a glance around the apartment, I feel my mind completely switch gears. It's not about me anymore. It is about the patient. Let's do what we can and try to save him. I take it all in. A man on the porch, looking upset. Policemen. A pillow on the floor. A black gun lying in a pool of blood. In some ways it looked like a movie scene. The way it was set up. But in the movies, you just have bright red blood. You don't have bits of brain matter and various shades of blood and other goop.
There was an old man, lying on the floor. And he was gasping for breath. He was still alive. But barely. My memory is a little hazy at this point. I was getting supplies from the bag and giving them to the medic and the other volunteer. The medic was doing stuff to the man and getting the Automatic External Defibrilater (sp?) ready and the girl was holding what was left of his head and was bagging him - helping him breathe. I remember at one point, she said she felt his brain coming out into her hands and was going to throw up. I was going to take over but she recovered.
He took some final gasps for air but didn't make it. We had to call another crew that had a doctor and get permission to stop working on him. There was just nothing left to do.
A police photographer was there snapping pictures. We cleaned up our mess and waited for the other crew to arrive so the doctor could officially declare him dead.
We got some of the story while we were waiting. The man had cancer and some other medical issues and was basically slowly dying. His son (the man on the porch) had come to take him to another appointment and when he came into the apartment, found him dead on the floor.
So that was that.
I won't ever forget that call.
During my time as a New York EMT, I did not have anything quite as dramatic as that. The two cases that stick out most in my head are one, when I did my required day at the ER, I had a chance to do CPR compressions on a man. It was tough. He didn't make it and wasn't going to make it by the time they let us try the compressions but it was good experiance. It's a lot harder doing it on an older, overweight man than it is on Annie, the CPR dummy.
The other case was a woman from a nursing home who we pretty much saved her life. She was having really bad breathing issues and kept puking everywhere but she wasn't getting any oxygen. So we had to bag her and I rode to the hospital while crouched over the stretcher bagging her, forcing her to breathe - amidst puke. That was a really intense call. And my partner and I had a fight afterwards.
Well, that's that. My most memorable moments as an EMT. And the end of an era.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Summer Lovin.......
My boss went to the Superbowl. He is from Pittsburgh and had been trying to get tickets for awhile and at the last minute, his sister-in-law pulled through and got him an extra ticket. She has something to do with the governor, perhaps the campaign? I'm not exactly sure but they were in a suite on the 40 yard line so she must do something good.
We chatted about the game and how cool it was that he was there and yada yada yada and then he was telling me about sitting in this suite and the people that he was near. Well, Barry Sanders sat about 2 feet in front of him. I wasn't quite sure who Barry Sanders was at the time but I recognized the name and knew he was a Lions something so I figured he must have been good if even I knew the name!! Ok, ooh la la, whatever.
And then he casually mentioned who else was there.....
JOHN TRAVOLTA.
"Matt, " I said, "Before you mentioned that, I thought it was pretty cool that you went and yah, I wish I could have been there....but now, I am OFFICIALLY jealous."
I am sure that I am disappointing my husband by saying one of the coolest things about my boss going to the Superbowl was the fact that he sat right near John Travolta. And this will be probably add another reason to my husband's argument that he would rather take a guy friend to the Superbowl than me. (the other reason was because I asked him if he was going to shave before we went to a Superbowl party - but in my defense, I would have asked him that if we were going out ANYWHERE.) Anyway, so sorry to disappoint you, Shu but I think the whole John Travolta thing is pretty cool.
I guess it all goes back to elementary school and my best friend, Sarah, and my obsession with Grease. We used to watch it at all of our sleepovers. Of course we knew all the songs by heart and we even won our school talent show when we lipsynced Summer Lovin in 4th grade. We had choreographing and everything.
Ahh, good times, good times.
We chatted about the game and how cool it was that he was there and yada yada yada and then he was telling me about sitting in this suite and the people that he was near. Well, Barry Sanders sat about 2 feet in front of him. I wasn't quite sure who Barry Sanders was at the time but I recognized the name and knew he was a Lions something so I figured he must have been good if even I knew the name!! Ok, ooh la la, whatever.
And then he casually mentioned who else was there.....
JOHN TRAVOLTA.
"Matt, " I said, "Before you mentioned that, I thought it was pretty cool that you went and yah, I wish I could have been there....but now, I am OFFICIALLY jealous."
I am sure that I am disappointing my husband by saying one of the coolest things about my boss going to the Superbowl was the fact that he sat right near John Travolta. And this will be probably add another reason to my husband's argument that he would rather take a guy friend to the Superbowl than me. (the other reason was because I asked him if he was going to shave before we went to a Superbowl party - but in my defense, I would have asked him that if we were going out ANYWHERE.) Anyway, so sorry to disappoint you, Shu but I think the whole John Travolta thing is pretty cool.
I guess it all goes back to elementary school and my best friend, Sarah, and my obsession with Grease. We used to watch it at all of our sleepovers. Of course we knew all the songs by heart and we even won our school talent show when we lipsynced Summer Lovin in 4th grade. We had choreographing and everything.
Ahh, good times, good times.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Gotcha!!
I was scammed at work today. And I am SO frustrated about it. Because I should have known better and I should have caught it. Argh!
The scammer is a customer that I know (not by name but by sight) and she is a big clearance customer. She buys almost only clearance items and returns about 1/3 of it. But she is generally pretty organized and always has her receipts. She seperates her returns and things always match up. Usually her reason for return is wrong size. She is very pleasant but doesn't seem to speak English very well (or pretends not to at least) so we don't speak much. Bottom line, I had no reason to think of her as a "problem customer".
Today she came up with two bags and two seperate returns (of 3 items each). 4 men's shirts and 2 women's. She had her receipts and all tags were attached. I scanned each item, found it on the receipt (a pretty recent receipt), and returned it. Most were $10.00 items, one was a $15.00 item. I took the pile and put it aside, gave her mostly store credit back (because that is how she paid for it, with the balance on her Kohl's charge. And wished her a good day. Then I turned to scan the items and make sure they were ticketed with the correct clearance sticker (red or yellow). I pick up the first shirt and hold it up and see that it looks................used. A little dirty perhaps and felt like is had been washed..... So I enter the number into the computer and see that the tag brand does NOT match the shirt brand. I then find a UPC number in the shirt and check it to the one on the tag. As I feared, no match. ARGH!!!! This wasn't a huge deal though because the price difference was only $3.00. But still!! I show my co-worked and then give the customer the benefit of the doubt. She is a usual customer and her returns are always in order and so maybe we were scammed by another customer, no one caught it, and the shirt was put out on the floor. And this unsuspecting customer picked it up and bought it.......
And then I checked the second shirt. Same thing!! But this was a $1.00 item that she got $10.00 back for!!! This was the same vendor but the tags and numbers weren't the same. These were even easy to check because the UPC was in the shirt!!! I don't think this one was worn but it was kind of hard to tell.....
The other items were fine except for a woman's blazer that may or may not have been the correct item.......
I was scammed!!!!!! I guess it happens to the best of us (hehe) and I can't let my guard down. I just look forward to the next time she comes in............. I hope she tries it again. And she tries it with me. Not that I can say anything about the previous time but I can catch her trying it again. And let LP (Loss Prevention) know to keep an eye on her.
Because I am sure Clearance Lady will be back.................................
And I will be waiting..............................
The scammer is a customer that I know (not by name but by sight) and she is a big clearance customer. She buys almost only clearance items and returns about 1/3 of it. But she is generally pretty organized and always has her receipts. She seperates her returns and things always match up. Usually her reason for return is wrong size. She is very pleasant but doesn't seem to speak English very well (or pretends not to at least) so we don't speak much. Bottom line, I had no reason to think of her as a "problem customer".
Today she came up with two bags and two seperate returns (of 3 items each). 4 men's shirts and 2 women's. She had her receipts and all tags were attached. I scanned each item, found it on the receipt (a pretty recent receipt), and returned it. Most were $10.00 items, one was a $15.00 item. I took the pile and put it aside, gave her mostly store credit back (because that is how she paid for it, with the balance on her Kohl's charge. And wished her a good day. Then I turned to scan the items and make sure they were ticketed with the correct clearance sticker (red or yellow). I pick up the first shirt and hold it up and see that it looks................used. A little dirty perhaps and felt like is had been washed..... So I enter the number into the computer and see that the tag brand does NOT match the shirt brand. I then find a UPC number in the shirt and check it to the one on the tag. As I feared, no match. ARGH!!!! This wasn't a huge deal though because the price difference was only $3.00. But still!! I show my co-worked and then give the customer the benefit of the doubt. She is a usual customer and her returns are always in order and so maybe we were scammed by another customer, no one caught it, and the shirt was put out on the floor. And this unsuspecting customer picked it up and bought it.......
And then I checked the second shirt. Same thing!! But this was a $1.00 item that she got $10.00 back for!!! This was the same vendor but the tags and numbers weren't the same. These were even easy to check because the UPC was in the shirt!!! I don't think this one was worn but it was kind of hard to tell.....
The other items were fine except for a woman's blazer that may or may not have been the correct item.......
I was scammed!!!!!! I guess it happens to the best of us (hehe) and I can't let my guard down. I just look forward to the next time she comes in............. I hope she tries it again. And she tries it with me. Not that I can say anything about the previous time but I can catch her trying it again. And let LP (Loss Prevention) know to keep an eye on her.
Because I am sure Clearance Lady will be back.................................
And I will be waiting..............................
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Back in the Game
I played basketball last night for the first time in YEARS!!!!!! Ever since Micha's party (months ago) at Whirlyball, I felt that competitive streak rise in me and wanted to start playing team sports again. Basketball is my favorite and there were a bunch of other girls interested in playing too. Hey, if our husbands can go play sports twice a week, we can have at least one night out!!
We finally found out about some ladies that play on Monday nights and found out that we could join them. Adina and I were the only ones who went last night mostly to check it out. We were a little nervous that they would be really good.......and we would not. Or that there would be too many people and we wouldn't be able to bring along the 10 people that were interested in it before. But it turns out that we didn't have to worry about it. Yes, they were better than us but it's a pretty casual game and we weren't that bad. :) Apparently, I make way more baskets in the game than I do when I am just shooting. Shu says it's because I don't have time to think about it. Makes sense.
So we played for an hour until I was totally exhausted!!! And SOOOOOO sore. In a good way. I can't wait to do this every week. It will be great excercise and a lot of fun too.
I really have to work on my defense. I'm just not aggresive enough, I think. And one girl got me every time.... she would get the ball, on the right side of the court (facing the basket) and hold her arm out and come around in a circle to the basket and shoot. And try as I might, I was never able to catch her. Now Shu's advice was first of all, she isn't allowed to do that, clearing the way with her arm. And second, if she is going to do that, I should stand in front of her and just not let her move. Well, it sounds easier than it is.
But back to the problem at hand - should I tell her it's not allowed? Or should we assume that because it's a girl's casual game, it is allowed???
I don't know.
Maybe I will wait until I have been there for a few more games and then say something. Or Adina and I were hoping one day to have a refereed game by our husbands and then we can really learn what we are doing wrong.
I will keep you posted.
:)
We finally found out about some ladies that play on Monday nights and found out that we could join them. Adina and I were the only ones who went last night mostly to check it out. We were a little nervous that they would be really good.......and we would not. Or that there would be too many people and we wouldn't be able to bring along the 10 people that were interested in it before. But it turns out that we didn't have to worry about it. Yes, they were better than us but it's a pretty casual game and we weren't that bad. :) Apparently, I make way more baskets in the game than I do when I am just shooting. Shu says it's because I don't have time to think about it. Makes sense.
So we played for an hour until I was totally exhausted!!! And SOOOOOO sore. In a good way. I can't wait to do this every week. It will be great excercise and a lot of fun too.
I really have to work on my defense. I'm just not aggresive enough, I think. And one girl got me every time.... she would get the ball, on the right side of the court (facing the basket) and hold her arm out and come around in a circle to the basket and shoot. And try as I might, I was never able to catch her. Now Shu's advice was first of all, she isn't allowed to do that, clearing the way with her arm. And second, if she is going to do that, I should stand in front of her and just not let her move. Well, it sounds easier than it is.
But back to the problem at hand - should I tell her it's not allowed? Or should we assume that because it's a girl's casual game, it is allowed???
I don't know.
Maybe I will wait until I have been there for a few more games and then say something. Or Adina and I were hoping one day to have a refereed game by our husbands and then we can really learn what we are doing wrong.
I will keep you posted.
:)
Friday, January 13, 2006
Goldie and Sunshine?
Well, it looks like our dog plan is on hold until the spring or so but what do you think about guinea pigs??
This idea came up during a trip to PetSmart in St. Louis. Yes, we have started going to pet stores for fun. Hey, it's free entertainment. I practically have to drag Jonah out of there!!!
So we were looking at all the pets and decided that a guinea pig may be a good pet for now.
Well, Shu doesn't want any part in this but that's ok. I can handle feeding and changing the cage and playing with it. It definitly doesn't take as much work as a dog does. That I couldn't do on my own.
Anywhoo, Jonah LOVES animals of any sort (he also loves babies but............) so why not get a pet? Also, I grew up with all kinds of pets and I REALLY miss having them around.
So, I hope the possible guinea pigs won't keep any of you away........
I may go to the Tiny Paws Rescue which is a place that deals with little animals and finding them homes. Also, they have a Foster program so you can try the pet out for 30 days and return it if you don't like it.
Two of the guinea pigs they currently have are a mom and baby, Goldie and Sunshine. I think they are pretty cute. Maybe they will come home with us soon....................
And on a sort-of different topic, today was a GORGEOUS day and since I didn't have to be at work until 12, Jonah and I made a quick run to the zoo. We only had about 40 minutes but it was just enough time to spend in the butterfly and bird house. Very cool. I LOVE being zoo members!
This idea came up during a trip to PetSmart in St. Louis. Yes, we have started going to pet stores for fun. Hey, it's free entertainment. I practically have to drag Jonah out of there!!!
So we were looking at all the pets and decided that a guinea pig may be a good pet for now.
Well, Shu doesn't want any part in this but that's ok. I can handle feeding and changing the cage and playing with it. It definitly doesn't take as much work as a dog does. That I couldn't do on my own.
Anywhoo, Jonah LOVES animals of any sort (he also loves babies but............) so why not get a pet? Also, I grew up with all kinds of pets and I REALLY miss having them around.
So, I hope the possible guinea pigs won't keep any of you away........
I may go to the Tiny Paws Rescue which is a place that deals with little animals and finding them homes. Also, they have a Foster program so you can try the pet out for 30 days and return it if you don't like it.
Two of the guinea pigs they currently have are a mom and baby, Goldie and Sunshine. I think they are pretty cute. Maybe they will come home with us soon....................
And on a sort-of different topic, today was a GORGEOUS day and since I didn't have to be at work until 12, Jonah and I made a quick run to the zoo. We only had about 40 minutes but it was just enough time to spend in the butterfly and bird house. Very cool. I LOVE being zoo members!
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Tag, you're it.
I was tagged by 2R to do the 4MEME so here goes. No, I don't know what 4MEME stands for but I know I am supposed to give 4 answers to a bunch of questions. I will let you know at the end who I will tag............
Four jobs I've had:
1. Caregiver/Companion for little girl with brain tumor
2. Receptionest
3. Emergency Medical Technician
4. Customer Service Associate
Four places I've lived:
1. Chesterfield, MO
2. Squirrel Hill, PA
3. Jerusalem/Beer Sheva/Ashdod, Israel
4. Brooklyn, NY
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Mint Chocolate Chip Baskin Robbins Ice Cream
2. Pizza
3. Fettucini Alfredo
4. Dougie's fire poppers
Four books I would read over and over:
1. Jonah's Baby Book
2. A Seperate Peace
3. Goodnight Moon (almost every night)
4. Bereishis/ Genesis
Four movies I would see over and over:
1. The Rock
2. Grease
3. Princess Bride
4. Our wedding video
Four places I've been on vacation:
1. Door County, WI
2. Colorado
3. Florida
4. Israel
Four TV Shows I Love to watch:
1. ER
2. Fear Factor
3. Friends
4. Roseanne
Four places I would rather be:
1. Israel
2. Hawaii
3. California
4. Scotland
And I tag.......................... Just Shu, Random Thoughts, Dan Does Detroit, and Beloved Life.
Four jobs I've had:
1. Caregiver/Companion for little girl with brain tumor
2. Receptionest
3. Emergency Medical Technician
4. Customer Service Associate
Four places I've lived:
1. Chesterfield, MO
2. Squirrel Hill, PA
3. Jerusalem/Beer Sheva/Ashdod, Israel
4. Brooklyn, NY
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Mint Chocolate Chip Baskin Robbins Ice Cream
2. Pizza
3. Fettucini Alfredo
4. Dougie's fire poppers
Four books I would read over and over:
1. Jonah's Baby Book
2. A Seperate Peace
3. Goodnight Moon (almost every night)
4. Bereishis/ Genesis
Four movies I would see over and over:
1. The Rock
2. Grease
3. Princess Bride
4. Our wedding video
Four places I've been on vacation:
1. Door County, WI
2. Colorado
3. Florida
4. Israel
Four TV Shows I Love to watch:
1. ER
2. Fear Factor
3. Friends
4. Roseanne
Four places I would rather be:
1. Israel
2. Hawaii
3. California
4. Scotland
And I tag.......................... Just Shu, Random Thoughts, Dan Does Detroit, and Beloved Life.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Germs! Germs!!
Oooh boy.
The crazies were out in full force today at Kohl's. Only 2 (or is it 3) days left until X-mas so all the last minute shoppers are out and about. And many of them are insane. While I had numerous "interesting" customers step up to my Customer Service counter (including a young scammer), there was one who makes me smile every time I think of her.
There was a customer who came and returned a couple things and then she went off to do some more shopping. I noticed about a half hour later or so she was back in line and my co-worker, Nicole, assisted her. The lady wanted to pay her Kohl's charge bill but wanted to know the exact balance, which we don't have axcess to. Nicole told her to use the Customer Service phone hanging on the wall because it connects you right with the Kohls Charge people. And the woman said, "A public phone? I have to use a public phone? I don't want to use that." She was looking at the pay phone. Nicole pointed at the other phone and said it has a direct line to the Kohls Charge account people. The woman had a real disgusted look on her face and kept saying things like "Well, anybody can use that phone. I don't want to touch it." She then asked Nicole for some tissues, one for her ear and one for her hand." And proceeded to use the phone with a tissue covering the ear and mouth piece and one that she used to press the buttons." Nicole kept sneaking me glances and we were both about to burst out in the giggles. But we controlled ourselves and when I finished with my customer, I headed back to the office where Nicole was and we both had a GOOD laugh about that one. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
You just have to wonder about these people. How does she go anywhere and touch anything? I am SURE she doesn't use public restrooms or drinking fountains. But does she have kids? And what about those germs? Does she go to restaurants? And why doesn't she carry around some of those plastic gloves JUST IN CASE she has to touch something........
Oh boy. She came and paid her bill and left her tissues on the counter. So I asked as she was leaving if she was done with them and threw them away. I should have offered for her to keep them. For next time.
A good laugh is always good to have at work.
The crazies were out in full force today at Kohl's. Only 2 (or is it 3) days left until X-mas so all the last minute shoppers are out and about. And many of them are insane. While I had numerous "interesting" customers step up to my Customer Service counter (including a young scammer), there was one who makes me smile every time I think of her.
There was a customer who came and returned a couple things and then she went off to do some more shopping. I noticed about a half hour later or so she was back in line and my co-worker, Nicole, assisted her. The lady wanted to pay her Kohl's charge bill but wanted to know the exact balance, which we don't have axcess to. Nicole told her to use the Customer Service phone hanging on the wall because it connects you right with the Kohls Charge people. And the woman said, "A public phone? I have to use a public phone? I don't want to use that." She was looking at the pay phone. Nicole pointed at the other phone and said it has a direct line to the Kohls Charge account people. The woman had a real disgusted look on her face and kept saying things like "Well, anybody can use that phone. I don't want to touch it." She then asked Nicole for some tissues, one for her ear and one for her hand." And proceeded to use the phone with a tissue covering the ear and mouth piece and one that she used to press the buttons." Nicole kept sneaking me glances and we were both about to burst out in the giggles. But we controlled ourselves and when I finished with my customer, I headed back to the office where Nicole was and we both had a GOOD laugh about that one. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
You just have to wonder about these people. How does she go anywhere and touch anything? I am SURE she doesn't use public restrooms or drinking fountains. But does she have kids? And what about those germs? Does she go to restaurants? And why doesn't she carry around some of those plastic gloves JUST IN CASE she has to touch something........
Oh boy. She came and paid her bill and left her tissues on the counter. So I asked as she was leaving if she was done with them and threw them away. I should have offered for her to keep them. For next time.
A good laugh is always good to have at work.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Ahhh.......the drama.
Sometimes things that could be so simple turn into such dramatic and stressful events.
Why is that?
A month and a half ago, I asked my boss, in a nonchalant manner, "So, what are the chances of me not working the day after X-mas." He practically laughed me out of the room. "Don't even ask that. There is just no way." he said.
You may be wondering why do I want the day after X-mas off? After all, it's not even my holiday. Well, my extended family generally has a "Holiday Party" every year in Columbia at my cousins house. I have fond memories of this party growing up but the memories taper off as the years went by. Not because the parties stopped but because I stopped going. Last year I was working at Kohl's and couldn't get the day off, the year before I was coming to St. Louis soon after when my bro and sis-in-law would be there. The year before that I was in New York, the year before that in Israel, the year before that New York, the 2 years before that in Israel. So it's been at least 7 years since I have gone to this party. And while I am not terribly close with my extended family, I really do miss them. I think slowly I have been drifting away from my family - and not neccesarily looking back..... But I am not happy about that. I don't know if my change in attitude is because now I have a son and I would like him to know my family too. Or if it was a real eye-opener when I hardly heard from anyone after he was born. You may say well that's really obnoxious of your family but when was the last time I called any of them??? And no, I didn't send out Announcements when Jonah was born so maybe they didn't even know for awhile.
My brother from Seattle is going to be at the party. My cousin from Paris will be there. My cousin who is fighting cancer will be there. Family from Oregon, California, Nashville, Florida, St. Louis, and elsewhere will ALL be there!
Whatever the case may be, it's time for me to reconnect with my family. And it looked like it was going to have to wait this year. Because according to Kohl's, there was NO way that I would get that day off. SO - I did not purchase the $80 tickets that they had on special......
Today I walk into work and check the schedule book - lo and behold, guess who is not working the day after X-mas! Yup, it's me. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had just checked ticket prices yesterday - I don't know why. I suppose I was still hoping. Thinking maybe there was some early early morning flight on Monday or late late Sunday night flight that I could catch. Or maybe I wouldn't be scheduled until Monday afternoon. The tickets were $189. So, the price had already jumped up $109!!
I got home from work and jumped on the computer. Cheapest tickets I could find $233!! GULP. That would get me in Saturday night and back out on Monday night. And it's just me and Jonah. No way could we afford $466!! I went back and forth and up and down. Thought about flying, driving, trains, busses. Take a trip to Chicago with Shauli for the weekend and then head down to St. Louis - fly back from there. Go with Shauli the entire trip but that meant an 11 hour car ride on Monday with my 15 month old in the back seat. Yikes.
I talked to my mom who talked with my step-dad and that whole conversation because one big drama!!! I talked to my friend who was also going to St.Louis that weekend to see if I could convince her to drive there with me.
I was at the computer and on the phone for HOURS. Brought to tears at one point.
Gosh, how I hate MONEY and the stress it causes.
Bottom line. For a month now I had been saying, the only think stopping me from going to the party is the fact that I have to work on Monday. POOF - I didn't have to work Monday but it would cost me $150 more. We certainly don't have $150 to just throw around. So then I thought of taking it out of my savings. Should I? Shouldn't I? Am I crazy?
After a LOT of discussion and a LOT of thinking I decided to go for it. I knew if I didn't, I would regret it. I had learned this lesson once before with my friend's second wedding. I decided not to go for various reasons and really regretted that decision. But it was too late. I did not want to make that mistake again. Look back on it and think WHY didn't I go? Why did I let something like MONEY get in the way of FAMILY? Why did I let another year go by slipping further away from my family? It's just not worth it.
So I bought the ticket. And Jonah and I are flying out Saturday night, coming back Monday night. The money issue will work out. My mom and step-dad are helping out with part of it and I talked with my step-dad and we cleared the air so there aren't any bad feelings between us. PHEW!
Granted, it won't be the easiest trip I have taken. Just me and Jonah, weird flight times, holiday party, no kosher food, etc etc. But I know that it will be worth it. I am already SOO happy to be going. I made the RIGHT decision.
But do you realize how much simpler life would have been if I had just made those tickets a month and a half ago???? If Kohl's had even hinted that maybe I could get the day off. WOW, would we have avoided a lot of drama!
Oh well. Such is life.
Why is that?
A month and a half ago, I asked my boss, in a nonchalant manner, "So, what are the chances of me not working the day after X-mas." He practically laughed me out of the room. "Don't even ask that. There is just no way." he said.
You may be wondering why do I want the day after X-mas off? After all, it's not even my holiday. Well, my extended family generally has a "Holiday Party" every year in Columbia at my cousins house. I have fond memories of this party growing up but the memories taper off as the years went by. Not because the parties stopped but because I stopped going. Last year I was working at Kohl's and couldn't get the day off, the year before I was coming to St. Louis soon after when my bro and sis-in-law would be there. The year before that I was in New York, the year before that in Israel, the year before that New York, the 2 years before that in Israel. So it's been at least 7 years since I have gone to this party. And while I am not terribly close with my extended family, I really do miss them. I think slowly I have been drifting away from my family - and not neccesarily looking back..... But I am not happy about that. I don't know if my change in attitude is because now I have a son and I would like him to know my family too. Or if it was a real eye-opener when I hardly heard from anyone after he was born. You may say well that's really obnoxious of your family but when was the last time I called any of them??? And no, I didn't send out Announcements when Jonah was born so maybe they didn't even know for awhile.
My brother from Seattle is going to be at the party. My cousin from Paris will be there. My cousin who is fighting cancer will be there. Family from Oregon, California, Nashville, Florida, St. Louis, and elsewhere will ALL be there!
Whatever the case may be, it's time for me to reconnect with my family. And it looked like it was going to have to wait this year. Because according to Kohl's, there was NO way that I would get that day off. SO - I did not purchase the $80 tickets that they had on special......
Today I walk into work and check the schedule book - lo and behold, guess who is not working the day after X-mas! Yup, it's me. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had just checked ticket prices yesterday - I don't know why. I suppose I was still hoping. Thinking maybe there was some early early morning flight on Monday or late late Sunday night flight that I could catch. Or maybe I wouldn't be scheduled until Monday afternoon. The tickets were $189. So, the price had already jumped up $109!!
I got home from work and jumped on the computer. Cheapest tickets I could find $233!! GULP. That would get me in Saturday night and back out on Monday night. And it's just me and Jonah. No way could we afford $466!! I went back and forth and up and down. Thought about flying, driving, trains, busses. Take a trip to Chicago with Shauli for the weekend and then head down to St. Louis - fly back from there. Go with Shauli the entire trip but that meant an 11 hour car ride on Monday with my 15 month old in the back seat. Yikes.
I talked to my mom who talked with my step-dad and that whole conversation because one big drama!!! I talked to my friend who was also going to St.Louis that weekend to see if I could convince her to drive there with me.
I was at the computer and on the phone for HOURS. Brought to tears at one point.
Gosh, how I hate MONEY and the stress it causes.
Bottom line. For a month now I had been saying, the only think stopping me from going to the party is the fact that I have to work on Monday. POOF - I didn't have to work Monday but it would cost me $150 more. We certainly don't have $150 to just throw around. So then I thought of taking it out of my savings. Should I? Shouldn't I? Am I crazy?
After a LOT of discussion and a LOT of thinking I decided to go for it. I knew if I didn't, I would regret it. I had learned this lesson once before with my friend's second wedding. I decided not to go for various reasons and really regretted that decision. But it was too late. I did not want to make that mistake again. Look back on it and think WHY didn't I go? Why did I let something like MONEY get in the way of FAMILY? Why did I let another year go by slipping further away from my family? It's just not worth it.
So I bought the ticket. And Jonah and I are flying out Saturday night, coming back Monday night. The money issue will work out. My mom and step-dad are helping out with part of it and I talked with my step-dad and we cleared the air so there aren't any bad feelings between us. PHEW!
Granted, it won't be the easiest trip I have taken. Just me and Jonah, weird flight times, holiday party, no kosher food, etc etc. But I know that it will be worth it. I am already SOO happy to be going. I made the RIGHT decision.
But do you realize how much simpler life would have been if I had just made those tickets a month and a half ago???? If Kohl's had even hinted that maybe I could get the day off. WOW, would we have avoided a lot of drama!
Oh well. Such is life.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Goodbye
I ended up going to Brenda's Memorial Service on Friday. I went with two other girls from work. It took two hours to get there which wasn't too bad. The worst part of the drive was the traffic getting out of Detroit. We got there at 10 and kind of stood around for about an hour until the service started. There was a collage of pictures of her and we talked with Mike and met his Dad, uncle, and grandparents. It was pretty awkward but I am very glad that we went because there weren't a lot of people there and certainly not a lot of people for Mike. It seemed to mean a lot to him that we were there.
The service was pretty short. A eulogy and then Mike said some words about her. There was a video montage with pictures of her throughout her life. At the end there was a Latin quote that meant "I Regret Nothing". It was a tattoo she had on her ankle. At the end of the montage, it hit me. That was it. The end of her life. All those pictures leading up to this. The end of a life at 27 years old. Wow.
That was the end of the service and the family was supposed to walk out first. Brenda's brother and his wife, stood up together and walked out. And then Mike stood up. He kinda looked around, looked back at the picture of her and basically looked a little lost. And alone.
And then he walked out. By himself.
That brought me to real tears. No one got up after that. So the 4 of us (co-workers) stood up and walked out. We went over to Mike and he was the one trying to comfort us. Saying we shouldn't cry because our mascara would run.
Trying to look out for us after he just lost his wife.....
And that was that.
The service was pretty short. A eulogy and then Mike said some words about her. There was a video montage with pictures of her throughout her life. At the end there was a Latin quote that meant "I Regret Nothing". It was a tattoo she had on her ankle. At the end of the montage, it hit me. That was it. The end of her life. All those pictures leading up to this. The end of a life at 27 years old. Wow.
That was the end of the service and the family was supposed to walk out first. Brenda's brother and his wife, stood up together and walked out. And then Mike stood up. He kinda looked around, looked back at the picture of her and basically looked a little lost. And alone.
And then he walked out. By himself.
That brought me to real tears. No one got up after that. So the 4 of us (co-workers) stood up and walked out. We went over to Mike and he was the one trying to comfort us. Saying we shouldn't cry because our mascara would run.
Trying to look out for us after he just lost his wife.....
And that was that.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Love and Loss
I went to work today and the first thing I was told as I walked through the door was that Mike's wife died on Saturday.
WHAT????
Mike is a co-worker of mine, I think his official title is Customer Service Supervisor. He started off as an associate in the shoe department and was promoted a few months ago to Area Supervisor. He certainly deserved it. He is a very hard worker and a very very nice guy. 25 years old. His wife, Brenda, was 27. So, a young couple. VERY much in love. Brenda used to come into work a lot. She came to have lunch with Mike or pick him up. We all got to know her because sometimes she would have to wait for Mike so she would chat with us. In fact, I saw her about a week ago because she came in just as Mike had to go in for a meeting. So she ended up waiting a LONG time. She was hanging around near the customer service desk and joked that she was going to hop the counter and help me out because it was SOO busy and I was all by my lonesome.
I just saw her. I just talked to her. And now she is dead???
She went into the hospital for a somewhat emergency gall bladder removal. She was in ICU while she recovered but then was doing well. I spoke to Mike when he came into work on Black Friday and she was doing good. He wasn't sure when she was coming home but she was recovering nicely.
Mike worked a crazy day on Friday and was exhausted so he called the hospital when he left work that night to check on his wife. They said she was doing fine and resting. So he decided to go home to get some sleep and see her in the morning.
3:00 in the morning he got a phone call that he hadto get to the hosptital. Brenda had a blood clot that got to her brain. And she died.
Just like that. He didn't even get to say goodbye.
Brenda had lupus. Terminal lupus (I don't know if there is a non-terminal kind). She was supposed to have some kind of surgery 6 months ago but it was too dangerous so they pushed it off. I don't know much about lupus but I guess surgery and lupus don't go well together. In this case, it killed her.
Apparently, Mike's family was not supportive of this marriage because they didn't feel he should marry someone who he couldn't spend the rest of his life with. But Brenda and Mike had found true love and went for it. They weren't on speaking terms until recently when Mike reconciled with his dad and sister. Perhaps it was just in time.
After he went to the hospital to wrap things up and get her belongings, he didn't know where to go. Brenda was his whole life. They didn't have a lot of friends because most of their time was spent together. They were used to being alone. Alone together.
So Mike came to work on Saturday. And the message written on our whiteboard telling us the news, was actually written by him. It's heartbreaking.
Yesterday, he spent the day driving around. Because he didn't want to go home. He didn't want to go home without her.
And today he came back to work. They gave him a job working upstairs in the stockroom so he wouldn't have to deal with people but he said that there were a number of times he just broke down anyway. Who wouldn't?
We put together a collection and came up with more than $800 to help him out. They were having some financial troubles to begin with and he didn't have any money for the arrangements. And of course we all signed a card telling him how sorry we are and that he is in our prayers.
But it was a rough day at work. Hard to see Mike. Hard to not be able to DO anything. Because in this situation - you can't just "make it better." They are having the funeral on Friday but it is a couple hours away in Ohio. That is where she is from although her parents passed away years ago. The funeral is in the afternoon so there is no way I can make it and get back in time for Shabbas either. So I feel bad. I would like to be there. "Like" isn't really the word I should use.
I found Mike as I was leaving work to tell him that if he needs anything he should call. And I wasn't just saying that. We don't live too far away from each other so I said he should come over sometime this week or next week for dinner or just to hang out. He and Shu could play X-box together. Just so he can be with people. Not alone in his apartment. I gave him my number and hope he takes me up on the offer. He needs to be around people. And know there ARE people that care.
Seeing him like this really makes me realize how important sitting Shiva is. While I hated it at the time, it let me mourn, the way one needs to mourn for someone close who passes away. When my father died, it felt like my world was caving in. I didn't understand how life could go on. And I needed that week to sit in my house and grieve. I needed to be surrounded by family and friends and focus on my loss.
I am sorry that Mike is not surrounded by family and friends. I am sorry that he can't take a week off from life to sit in his house and just mourn. Be surrounded by his loss. Going back to work and trying to live life normally is too hard. But if we at Kohl's are his support system then I am glad that we can be there for him. I hope he realizes how much we care and how much Brenda will be missed.
I pray that G-d will help him through this hard time and one day, he will move on and get remarried and have children. He will make a great father. I pray this doesn't break him. And I don't think it will. He is strong and I applaud his courage in marrying Brenda. I am glad he was able to spend the few years he did with her. Because they had found true love.
"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Mike.
WHAT????
Mike is a co-worker of mine, I think his official title is Customer Service Supervisor. He started off as an associate in the shoe department and was promoted a few months ago to Area Supervisor. He certainly deserved it. He is a very hard worker and a very very nice guy. 25 years old. His wife, Brenda, was 27. So, a young couple. VERY much in love. Brenda used to come into work a lot. She came to have lunch with Mike or pick him up. We all got to know her because sometimes she would have to wait for Mike so she would chat with us. In fact, I saw her about a week ago because she came in just as Mike had to go in for a meeting. So she ended up waiting a LONG time. She was hanging around near the customer service desk and joked that she was going to hop the counter and help me out because it was SOO busy and I was all by my lonesome.
I just saw her. I just talked to her. And now she is dead???
She went into the hospital for a somewhat emergency gall bladder removal. She was in ICU while she recovered but then was doing well. I spoke to Mike when he came into work on Black Friday and she was doing good. He wasn't sure when she was coming home but she was recovering nicely.
Mike worked a crazy day on Friday and was exhausted so he called the hospital when he left work that night to check on his wife. They said she was doing fine and resting. So he decided to go home to get some sleep and see her in the morning.
3:00 in the morning he got a phone call that he hadto get to the hosptital. Brenda had a blood clot that got to her brain. And she died.
Just like that. He didn't even get to say goodbye.
Brenda had lupus. Terminal lupus (I don't know if there is a non-terminal kind). She was supposed to have some kind of surgery 6 months ago but it was too dangerous so they pushed it off. I don't know much about lupus but I guess surgery and lupus don't go well together. In this case, it killed her.
Apparently, Mike's family was not supportive of this marriage because they didn't feel he should marry someone who he couldn't spend the rest of his life with. But Brenda and Mike had found true love and went for it. They weren't on speaking terms until recently when Mike reconciled with his dad and sister. Perhaps it was just in time.
After he went to the hospital to wrap things up and get her belongings, he didn't know where to go. Brenda was his whole life. They didn't have a lot of friends because most of their time was spent together. They were used to being alone. Alone together.
So Mike came to work on Saturday. And the message written on our whiteboard telling us the news, was actually written by him. It's heartbreaking.
Yesterday, he spent the day driving around. Because he didn't want to go home. He didn't want to go home without her.
And today he came back to work. They gave him a job working upstairs in the stockroom so he wouldn't have to deal with people but he said that there were a number of times he just broke down anyway. Who wouldn't?
We put together a collection and came up with more than $800 to help him out. They were having some financial troubles to begin with and he didn't have any money for the arrangements. And of course we all signed a card telling him how sorry we are and that he is in our prayers.
But it was a rough day at work. Hard to see Mike. Hard to not be able to DO anything. Because in this situation - you can't just "make it better." They are having the funeral on Friday but it is a couple hours away in Ohio. That is where she is from although her parents passed away years ago. The funeral is in the afternoon so there is no way I can make it and get back in time for Shabbas either. So I feel bad. I would like to be there. "Like" isn't really the word I should use.
I found Mike as I was leaving work to tell him that if he needs anything he should call. And I wasn't just saying that. We don't live too far away from each other so I said he should come over sometime this week or next week for dinner or just to hang out. He and Shu could play X-box together. Just so he can be with people. Not alone in his apartment. I gave him my number and hope he takes me up on the offer. He needs to be around people. And know there ARE people that care.
Seeing him like this really makes me realize how important sitting Shiva is. While I hated it at the time, it let me mourn, the way one needs to mourn for someone close who passes away. When my father died, it felt like my world was caving in. I didn't understand how life could go on. And I needed that week to sit in my house and grieve. I needed to be surrounded by family and friends and focus on my loss.
I am sorry that Mike is not surrounded by family and friends. I am sorry that he can't take a week off from life to sit in his house and just mourn. Be surrounded by his loss. Going back to work and trying to live life normally is too hard. But if we at Kohl's are his support system then I am glad that we can be there for him. I hope he realizes how much we care and how much Brenda will be missed.
I pray that G-d will help him through this hard time and one day, he will move on and get remarried and have children. He will make a great father. I pray this doesn't break him. And I don't think it will. He is strong and I applaud his courage in marrying Brenda. I am glad he was able to spend the few years he did with her. Because they had found true love.
"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Mike.
Rest In Peace, Brenda.
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